it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
