idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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