Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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