what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
