There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
