what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize