My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Someone came in the potted fern
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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