i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
