Kiss
Puke
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
