That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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