you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
