Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
