and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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