Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Randomize
