Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
