I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
