Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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