I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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