sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
