She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
