is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize