My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
