Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
