Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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