Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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