if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
