I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
