Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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