can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
They have beer where we have blood.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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