What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize