I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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