This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
