Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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