I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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