my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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