how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
