We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
