I think I won the penis lottery.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
