You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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