you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
