i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
