I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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