Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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