Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
