haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
