so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
