His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
