I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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