Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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