He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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