I think my vagina is haunted
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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