Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
