Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
