I love black thongs
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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