I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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