Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
operation harelip BJ is a go
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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