I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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