im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
