If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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