Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
