Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
