bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
