Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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