i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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