East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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