hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
