He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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