I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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